Everyone deserves to have a great sex life. So although it’s important to please your partner in bed, it’s equally essential that your own desires are fulfilled.
Sometimes these desires can be expressed without much discussion at all. Most women like trying new and exciting things in the bedroom. But a long discussion can just detract from the spontaneity and excitement.
For the smaller stuff, it’s probably fine to just introduce them gently and see how it goes. For example, have a necktie at the ready and see if she’ll let you cover her eyes with a whisper in her ear that you’re going to kiss and caress her from head to toe.
You know your partner. If you’re trying something new, be extra observant to what her body is telling you. Is she making all the right noises? Does she show physical signs of being turned on, such as lubrication? Or does she tense up, telling you she’s not comfortable?
A simple statement is fine, such as “Close your eyes…relax…I’m going to tie your hands to the bed and give you the most intense pleasure you’ve ever had.” Or “I’d really like you to suck me, please.”
You don’t need to be a magician to pull these things off – just use language and a sexy, but gentle, tone of voice. And if it’s all a bit too intense, try adding some lightheartedness or comedy: “are you ready for the magic love, baby?”
Give it time and experiment a little, but don’t expect that your sex life/routine will necessarily change in a day. If this less formal process really doesn’t work for you, or you want to try something that’s very different from the normal, it’s perhaps best to take that conversation outside of the boudoir.
Don’t be distracted by anything else. Turn the TV off, ignore the phone. Choose a time when you’re both relaxed.
The best place for this kind of discussion is in the living room where you’re comfortable. Not in public, and probably not over dinner either!
Keep the introduction short, and say what’s on your mind. The less you beat around the bush, the sooner you’ll know how she feels about it.
A good way to present your wishes is by doing what’s called bookending. This means placing what you want to say in the middle of two positive statements.
This technique frames what you want to say in a positive light, making it sound less like a criticism, and more like an exciting new idea.
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